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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    142
    Member #
    1945
    Couldn't think of a catchy subject name..


    Could anyone check the grammar(s) of this letter I am going to send to a lawyer. If you can edit anything so that it will sound more professional, then thank you very much.
    Any improvements, I will appreciate.


    To Lawyer:


    The two entrance doors have been severely damaged because of intruders trying to break inside the building when the business was closed. The damages caused by the intruders caused both entrance doors inoperable. Therefore, immediate attention was mandatory for both doors since the building was vulnerable to future break ins.
    I have replaced both doors at my expense. I have enclosed a copy of the invoice and would like to be compensated.
    Due to the uprising temperature inside the building, most of products are being affected. Please install an air-conditioning system inside the building, to elevate the proper room temperature during the daytime. The air conditioning system needs immediate attention and further delays will have a negative outcome for the business.


    Regards,

    Name

  2.  

  3. #2
    Senior Member Brak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    San Francisco, CA
    Posts
    3,413
    Member #
    1217
    Liked
    2 times
    I re-wrote it to how I would have written it... this is by no means good or better, but just how I would have done it.

    To Lawyer:


    Two people attempted to break into [name of business] during the night of [date]. While attempting to break in, two entrance doors were damaged beyond repair and rendered the doors inoperable. Immediate action was taken to replace the doors and prevent any further burglary. I have replaced both doors at my expense, and have included a copy of the invoice for which I expect to be fully compensated.

    Furthermore the temperature of our store has become an increasing issue for our products. The current air conditioning system is inadequate and needs immediate attention. If the air conditioning unit is not installed, further damage to our products will result and cause a negative impact on our business.

    Please see to it that these two issues are dealt with in a timely manner.


    Regards,

    Name
    Kyle Neath: Rockstar extraordinare
    The blog | The poetry site | The Spore site


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