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Thread: Dog's Breakfast

  1. #1
    Junior Member quixotic's Avatar
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    Dog's Breakfast

    Hi All,

    Looks like a great site. I look forward to going through the FAQ's etc.

    The page from my site that I'm currently working on here: [EDIT: moved to the URL box by TheGAME1264]

    Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism. And don't be afraid to use the term above (it's the one that usually comes to mind when I try to describe it).
    Last edited by TheGAME1264; Jan 26th, 2014 at 04:26 PM.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member DC Web Design's Avatar
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    First off, I get that this is a website about a book. But what is the book about? Why would somebody want to buy it? It seems unclear.

    The site itself looks quite amateurish, but judging from the sloppy handwritten fonts used throughout the site, maybe that's the sort of look you're going for?

    The content seems like a jumbled mess. Are you trying to give a sample of each chapter?

    Also the title tag could be seen as keyword stuffing. It should be more relevant and descriptive.

    Sorry for the harsh review, and I don't mean to offend you, I'm just confused as to what you're trying to accomplish exactly. If you can communicate this with us, maybe we can help you retool this webpage to better communicate your goals to your target audience.
    TheGAME1264 likes this.

  4. #3
    Unpaid WDF Intern TheGAME1264's Avatar
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    Glad you like the site, even though I'm a lowly mod around here and no one likes me because I have to enforce rules and stuff.

    I'm not sure how to offer constructive criticism in this particular case, because I really don't get this page or this site. There is a whole bunch of stuff going on, but there doesn't seem to be a real point to it. Are you selling a book? Making a centrist or leftist political commentary? Making fun or something? Commenting on a bunch of things you like or don't like? Blowing your own horn? Something other than those things? Some combination of those things? What?

    Basically, you need to figure out what it is that you're trying to accomplish and build each page with that goal in mind. Different pages can have different goals, but at least have some idea of what you ultimately want to do.
    If I've helped you out in any way, please pay it forward. My wife and I are walking for Autism Speaks. Please donate, and thanks.

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    My stuff (well, some of it): My bowling alley site | Canadian Postal Code Info (beta)

  5. #4
    Unpaid WDF Intern TheGAME1264's Avatar
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    Wow...DC Web Design beat me to the punch. But I was typing it as he was posting it. Honest and for true I was.
    DC Web Design likes this.
    If I've helped you out in any way, please pay it forward. My wife and I are walking for Autism Speaks. Please donate, and thanks.

    If someone helped you out, be sure to "Like" their post and/or help them in kind. The "Like" link is on the bottom right of each post, beside the "Share" link.

    My stuff (well, some of it): My bowling alley site | Canadian Postal Code Info (beta)

  6. #5
    Senior Member DC Web Design's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGAME1264 View Post
    Wow...DC Web Design beat me to the punch. But I was typing it as he was posting it. Honest and for true I was.
    Great minds think alike.
    TheGAME1264 likes this.

  7. #6
    Junior Member quixotic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DC Web Design View Post
    First off, I get that this is a website about a book. But what is the book about? Why would somebody want to buy it? It seems unclear.

    The site itself looks quite amateurish, but judging from the sloppy handwritten fonts used throughout the site, maybe that's the sort of look you're going for?

    The content seems like a jumbled mess. Are you trying to give a sample of each chapter?

    Also the title tag could be seen as keyword stuffing. It should be more relevant and descriptive.

    Sorry for the harsh review, and I don't mean to offend you, I'm just confused as to what you're trying to accomplish exactly. If you can communicate this with us, maybe we can help you retool this webpage to better communicate your goals to your target audience.
    Thanks DC. You pretty much nailed it. I'm trying to sell a book. Two, in fact: one in Kindle form (the "fake book") and one in print form (the "real book"). What it's about is the tough nut to crack. On Google Ads, I wrote:

    "Civilized"
    What does it mean on a personal level?
    On a societal level?


    After that, I'm hoping that the reader (if intrigued) would read some of the chapter excerpts to get a better handle on the contents.

    As for the style, I guess I was recently influenced by jeffbridges.com Something about the aesthetics appealed to me.

    Are there any drawbacks to keyword stuffing? I'm using it to aid in the adwords function.

    Were the links in the upper left relatively apparent? I had conventional boxes previously, but like I said, I get a kick out of the chaotic aesthetics.

  8. #7
    Unpaid WDF Intern TheGAME1264's Avatar
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    First drawback: it looks like the a dog's breakfast when the breakfast makes its way through the dog's intestinal system and winds up on the lawn. That should be a standalone reason not to do it right there.

    Second drawback: it doesn't work. For anything. Google clued into that years ago.

    You might as well write for humans because ultimately that's who is going to buy your book. That's also what Google wants to present.

    I think your big problem is you're making the architect's first mistake. You think it's a chaotic aesthetic and that people will respect your artistic genius. Others will probably be confused and think it's a mess. I know I was. The copy I did read comes across the same way...you're so busy being great and awesome and a unique individual that it ends up becoming rather off-putting to the average bear. You're going to have to check your ego at the door if you want people to respect you and more importantly buy the book.
    If I've helped you out in any way, please pay it forward. My wife and I are walking for Autism Speaks. Please donate, and thanks.

    If someone helped you out, be sure to "Like" their post and/or help them in kind. The "Like" link is on the bottom right of each post, beside the "Share" link.

    My stuff (well, some of it): My bowling alley site | Canadian Postal Code Info (beta)

  9. #8
    Unpaid WDF Intern TheGAME1264's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DC Web Design View Post
    Great minds think alike.
    So do disturbed ones. I'm not sure there's much of a difference anymore.
    AlphaMare and DC Web Design like this.
    If I've helped you out in any way, please pay it forward. My wife and I are walking for Autism Speaks. Please donate, and thanks.

    If someone helped you out, be sure to "Like" their post and/or help them in kind. The "Like" link is on the bottom right of each post, beside the "Share" link.

    My stuff (well, some of it): My bowling alley site | Canadian Postal Code Info (beta)

  10. #9
    Junior Member quixotic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGAME1264 View Post
    First drawback: it looks like the a dog's breakfast when the breakfast makes its way through the dog's intestinal system and winds up on the lawn. That should be a standalone reason not to do it right there.

    Second drawback: it doesn't work. For anything. Google clued into that years ago.

    You might as well write for humans because ultimately that's who is going to buy your book. That's also what Google wants to present.

    I think your big problem is you're making the architect's first mistake. You think it's a chaotic aesthetic and that people will respect your artistic genius. Others will probably be confused and think it's a mess. I know I was. The copy I did read comes across the same way...you're so busy being great and awesome and a unique individual that it ends up becoming rather off-putting to the average bear. You're going to have to check your ego at the door if you want people to respect you and more importantly buy the book.
    I cleaned it up a bit. Please have another look.

    Sorry about the ego. But that's what the horns are for. Comes with the territory.

  11. #10
    Unpaid WDF Intern TheGAME1264's Avatar
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    Well, it's cleaner. I actually get what you're trying to do now. Now it's obvious that you want people to buy and read the book.

    As an advocate for true free markets as in no government intervention since government should legislate and not operate, and action as opposed to "deliberation" (which to me is just a euphemism for "people who talk and don't ever really accomplish anything"), I'll be honest and tell you that I'm the polar opposite of the people you're trying to reach. That doesn't mean I'm not going to help you, though. I'm going to point out something that most people probably wouldn't...how does one buy the book? How does one go about ordering the book and read it? You need a clear call to action button at the top and probably at the bottom.
    If I've helped you out in any way, please pay it forward. My wife and I are walking for Autism Speaks. Please donate, and thanks.

    If someone helped you out, be sure to "Like" their post and/or help them in kind. The "Like" link is on the bottom right of each post, beside the "Share" link.

    My stuff (well, some of it): My bowling alley site | Canadian Postal Code Info (beta)


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