Where do I go from here? Or, a newbie needs help

Like I said in my introductory thread, I'm visually/creatively... bereft. I'm a programmer first, second, and third, and am much more comfortable with data structures than Photoshop. That said, since I'm a one-man freelance company, my lack of artistic ability is a liability. Simply put, I need to stop sucking when it comes to design.

Just one problem. I don't know where to look or what to do to improve. I also can't draw. I haven't tried to draw anything for real since middle school. That was over 20 years ago.

So, that said, I think the best thing to do is to 'highlight' what I have done. Hopefully that will shed some light on where I'm at, and exactly what the long road before me should entail.

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First, a WordPress site I redesigned for a client. Amazingly, it actually looked a lot worse before I got my hands on it. The fact that I could improve on an even more horrendous effort is nice, but I'm not exactly proud of what I've done, either: http://thesewingdivaquiltshop.com/

My biggest gripe is the middle area of the home page. I originally thought that the client was going to only put up one or two events, and then rely on the calender plugin for the rest. Instead, she keeps putting up an entire month+ worth of activities, stretching the site comically. I'm not sure how to address it.

Sizing, in general, is also an issue with me. I like the current trend of 'fat' headers and footers, but I (obviously) don't know how, or even when, to do it. The slideshow was going to be wider, but then she wanted the info area....

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Second is a WIP: http://www.mpphp.com/Index.jpg Note that the logo is intentionally blurred out. It's really the only part I'm happy with. I actually had a graphic designer help me with the header, but I'm not sure about the blue. Or the chunky buttons. I tried matching the bottom area (the "Latest X") to it, with middling results. The footer will have more than a couple of copyrights.

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Last is my home/portfolio site: http://majorproductionsnh.com/ Like the copyright says, I haven't touched this in a couple years. IMO, there's not much of a design there. I'm not sure how to make it pop. I know that part of the problem is a lack of content. Most of my work experience comes from things I can't showcase (sites that are now defunct, have changed developers, various NDAs, etc), so it's a bit of a chicken and egg scenario. I need projects to put in a portfolio. Its hard to get projects without a portfolio.

What content is there was written quickly. I had to get the site online by a certain date to qualify for really good free hosting (my own VPS for a year).

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I think my biggest deficiencies are in overall design. I'm comfortable with HTML, and am pretty okay with CSS (I'm a bit anal retentive about testing, so that helps make up for whatever gaps I have). My problem is that, when I sit in front of Photoshop to make a layout, I have no idea what to do. I know that I need the basic parts - header, navigation, content, footer - but assembling them in a visually appealing way just never seems to happen. I just know that whatever I do always looks off.

I don't know if I need to learn to think like a designer, or have the basic tenets of design presented to me as programmer friendly documentation. I'm open to both. All I know is that I need to improve.

Should I use Illustrator or Photoshop for layouts? I have the CS4 versions of both. I tend to use PS, but if AI is a better choice, I'm all for it.

Do you have any resources that address sizing issues in a layout? Like, header/footer height considerations? Padding/margins/gutters? I've used 960.gs, but I've always been curious about how they came to the widths of the columns/gutters, and whether or not the same units could be used for height as well as width. That's my biggest hangup when I sit in front of the screen - how do I size my site components properly?

Finally, thanks for the links! The color one in particular is interesting.